BATON ROUGE, LA – Baton Rouge residents went into full panic mode this week after hearing reports of a “government shutdown,” with many mistaking the political crisis in Washington for a traffic nightmare on Government Street. The confusion sparked a campout outside Anthony’s Italian Deli, as diehard muffuletta loyalists feared their sandwich supply was in jeopardy.
By sunrise, the sidewalk looked less like Mid-City and more like a Black Friday sale. Several locals sat in folding chairs clutching thermoses of Community Coffee, while one man reportedly tried to bribe his way to the front of the line by offering owners Margaret and Marco free Saints tickets, which they declined for obvious reasons.
“We can live without Congress, but we can’t live without Anthony’s,” said one anxious customer, pointing at the deli’s iconic sign as if it were the last beacon of civilization.
Anthony’s staff, bewildered but amused, assured the crowd they had no plans to shut down. “We’re open six days a week, politics or not,” one employee said. “The only thing shutting down here is the oven at 6 p.m.”
Officials later clarified that Government Street remains open, though locals warned traffic was so bad it “might as well be shut down anyway.”
