NEW ORLEANS, LA – In an unintentional leap into the digital age, the Orleans Parish Criminal District Court has officially transitioned to a paperless system by allegedly throwing all their paper records in a city dumpster.
Sources say the new approach, dubbed “evidence reduction through disposal,” has dramatically cut down on clutter, accountability, and the burden of following basic legal procedure.
“We didn’t misplace the files,” one clerk clarified. “We elevated them beyond outdated concepts like storage and access.”
When asked how the court plans to handle pending cases, a visibly flustered judge mumbled something about “reconstructing events through community storytelling” before quickly changing the subject to his favorite po-boy spot getting robbed last week.
City officials insist this isn’t a failure, but a pilot program. “Imagine a justice system where no one can prove anything. It’s freeing,” said one city spokesperson.
A follow-up investigation into the incident was also misplaced, but experts believe it was “probably very thorough.”
