ZACHARY, LA – A Louisiana man who climbed into his underage girlfriend’s father’s home, killed the man inside, and somehow dodged prison altogether will now serve… probation.
The sentence, which legal experts are calling “a bedtime with paperwork,” comes with an 8 p.m. curfew, meaning the man who committed homicide in another man’s living room just has to be home in time for Wheel of Fortune.
Critics are baffled. “I’ve seen kids who stole candy bars get more time in detention,” said one local resident, “and they didn’t even have to climb through a window to do it.”
The Zachary community described the ruling as “numb,” while the legal community scrambled to confirm whether this is part of the 19th JDC’s new Homicide Lite™ sentencing program.
Meanwhile, egg-throwers, pranksters, and chronic jaywalkers are reportedly eyeing this precedent as the ultimate plea-bargain.
In Louisiana justice, the penalty for murder is now officially: Don’t do it again and make sure your ass is home by the time the street lights come on.
