BATON ROUGE, LA – LSU has officially awarded its $400 million arena project to Oak View Group, whose CEO is currently under federal indictment, proving once again that in Louisiana, “due diligence” means checking to see if the guys mugshot looks presentable in a press release.
“We searched far and wide for a developer with at the very least an active felony warrant,” said a Tiger Athletic Foundation spokesperson, “but unfortunately, those folks are either already booked solid through 2029, currently holding public offices or playing for the NFL.”
City officials defended the move, calling the indictment “a sign of real-world experience” and proof the company can handle “high-pressure situations, like an FBI predawn raid.”
Critics argue the decision sets a troubling precedent, but leaders say it’s just smart planning. “If we didn’t hire people under indictment, we’d never build anything,” shrugged one council member. “This way, when subpoenas arrive, they’ll know exactly where to deliver them.”
The arena will feature state-of-the-art seating, luxury boxes, and a fully equipped “Jury Deliberation Suite” for VIPs. Opening night is expected to draw a star-studded crowd of indicted and convicted icons, including former governors, celebrity athletes, and at least one reality TV star on work release.
