WASHINGTON, DC – The U.S. Conference of Mayors has issued a formal inquiry after noticing what it calls a “disturbing pattern” of New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell spending an increasing amount of time within the city she governs.
“Frankly, we’re concerned,” said one conference spokesperson. “She used to be at every panel, every cocktail mixer, every ‘Mayors for Mobility’ roundtable in Reno. Now she’s… in New Orleans? Attending local events? It’s unprofessional.”
Cantrell’s prolonged presence in her own city, punctuated by a shocking appearance at this weekend’s Essence Festival, has reportedly blindsided the conference, where she’s long been a staple figure at taxpayer-funded hotel buffets and group selfies abroad.
“It just felt empty,” said one mayor. “No surprise guest appearance from a rooftop in Milan, no mid-call boarding announcement. She’s the glue that held our distractions together.”
Sources say several mayors are drafting a resolution to remind Cantrell that “municipal leadership is best practiced from a Hilton lounge.”
