BATON ROUGE, LA – After a group of armed juveniles ignored a clearly posted “Gun-Free Zone” sign and trespassed into a BREC pool, park officials have announced immediate changes: the sign will be upgraded to ALL-CAPS.
“We now realize that ‘Gun-Free Zone’ written in standard 12-point Arial wasn’t enough of a deterrent,” said one BREC official. “We’re moving to bold, ALL-CAPS lettering, possibly underlined, so next time, the criminals will definitely stop and say, ‘Whoa, this feels serious.’”
Sources confirm the current sign cost $3.74 and was laminated by someone named Debbie in marketing, who is reportedly devastated that her work failed to repel armed youth.
In addition to font upgrades, officials are considering adding an exclamation point or a sad face emoji for emotional emphasis. Some even floated the idea of a QR code linking to a sternly worded video message from a BREC park ranger holding a fake taser.
“If reading’s the problem, we’ll get creative,” promised one city leader. “We’re working on a musical PSA featuring Lil Boosie and a giant inflatable Glock with tears in its eyes.”
