BATON ROUGE, La. – In an unprecedented shift from space travel, Elon Musk has announced plans to colonize Siegen Lane, citing its “hostile environment, unpredictable inhabitants, and the highest concentration of fast food restaurants per square mile inside the Deep South.”


Originally focused on Mars, Musk says Siegen Lane presents a more immediate challenge. “Mars has no oxygen, but Siegen has something far worse—unhinged drivers and a Waffle House that’s seen things no human should witness,” he explained.

SpaceX engineers are developing Siegen Lane Edition armored Cybertrucks equipped with adaptive AI to dodge the multitude of rogue shopping carts and predict the next random U-turn from the ever growing amount of Dodge Chargers and Nissan Altimas with no plates.

Despite the risks, Musk remains optimistic. “Unlike Mars, Siegen has IHOP, Whataburger, Twin Peaks, and more chicken spots than a Baptist potluck. The food alone makes it worth the danger.”

Local businessmen have voiced concerns about Musk disturbing the delicate balance of Siegen’s economy, but remain confident: “If we can survive Siegen, Mars will feel like a vacation.”