Officials confirmed construction will begin immediately after Louisiana residents achieve the unprecedented milestone of 24 consecutive hours without arguing about politics online or in traffic.
Elon Musk confirmed colonizing Mars will be easier than getting a New Orleans tunnel approved after his first meeting produced three committees, zero decisions, and a follow-up meeting.
City officials say the redesigned City Park course will allow golfers to play alongside active construction, creating a “shared experience” with the LSU Lakes project for the next 35 years.
State officials have ordered three studies to determine if adding a TSA lane would improve movement, though concerns remain that it could accidentally make things faster.
Delta Utilities clarified that rising bills are not the result of increased rates, but rather customers experiencing what it called a “decline in financial durability” across Baton Rouge.
Trump reportedly froze mid-sentence after watching a 30-second Edmonds super PAC ad, marking the first documented instance of the president being completely, undeniably speechless.
State officials say shrimp are already adapting to storage tanks, as fishermen question whether future catches will be labeled seafood, crude, or some federally approved combination.
State leaders confirmed lower rates are coming soon, assuming residents can maintain coverage long enough to eventually experience the savings.
