A new Louisiana study found residents are now ranking cities almost entirely by the number of nearby drive-thru daiquiri shops, replacing outdated metrics like schools, roads, and overall quality of life.
Baton Rouge leaders reportedly believe the key to improving public satisfaction isn’t fixing problems, but convincing residents to stop expecting roads, traffic, and drainage to function in the first place.
Louisiana residents are reportedly no longer measuring hurricanes by wind speed or flooding, but by how devastating the Entergy surcharge becomes six months later after the power finally returns.
LSU researchers say Baton Rouge drivers are saving hundreds on marijuana simply by sitting in Sherwood Forest traffic with the windows down long enough to miss two green lights in a row.
After auditors discovered the same problems dating back to 2012, DCFS reportedly explained that eliminating paperwork entirely has dramatically improved office organization.
EBR officials praised graduates and families this week after multiple graduation fights somehow remained completely gun-free, something district leaders described as “encouraging progress” following months of campus weapon incidents.
Louisiana schools are finally preparing students for real life by teaching flood claims, roof tarping, and how to argue with insurance adjusters before hurricane season starts again.
Court officials have decided it was finally time to honor the city’s most dependable repeat offenders with a formal awards banquet celebrating years of uninterrupted criminal consistency.
