Brian Kelly took to Facebook after LSU’s win, posting a selfie and insisting he’s still the Tigers’ head coach because no one has officially fired him “to his face.”
Governor Jeff Landry has issued an executive order for Keep Tiger Town Beautiful to clean up the LSU Athletic Dept.
State regulators greenlit shipments of Smitty’s sludge to Jefferson Parish after mistaking a distracted “sure, whatever” as formal approval.
An AG intern scrolling through Clay Schexnayder’s hunting camp photos accidentally cracked the state’s biggest missing-artifact case by spotting a 1,264-year-old board being used as an ATV ramp.
State officials approved New Orleans’ emergency loan only after the city provided a current phone bill and proof of residence, requirements typically reserved for college freshmen renting their first apartment.
A simple proposal to add hyperlinks to ordinance drafts collapsed into confusion when Councilman James Graves asked the city to “chart out where the hyperlinks physically run.”
Brian Kelly’s $54 million lawsuit against LSU ended abruptly after he found his termination notice buried in his AOL spam folder, right between a FanDuel ad and a “You’ve Got Mail” reminder.
The Denham Springs City Council approved a new $45 million convention center, but made sure to prohibit any conventions from actually taking place inside.
LSU avoided a $54 million payout by giving Brian Kelly a free Caniac Combo once a month for ten years. Baton Rouge calls it “the most Louisiana settlement ever.”
Mayor Sid Edwards is under fire for ending Baton Rouge’s proud City Hall tradition of hiring unqualified administrators by selecting a CAO who actually knows what she’s doing.
LSU’s Interfraternity Council has officially expanded its hazing policy to include “forcing pledges to watch the LSU–Texas A&M replay,” describing the act as psychological cruelty.
Baton Rouge erupted Friday after a delivery truck unloaded pallets of headsets at Tiger Stadium, instantly reigniting rumors of Nick Saban’s possible return.
Kelly insists LSU owes him royalties for running his “intellectual property of incompetence,” describing the 3rd-and-long quarterback draw as “a masterpiece of confusion and regret.”
LSU fans were shocked to learn that the team’s offensive playbook consists of a single laminated page reading “Screen Pass.” Officials are calling it a “historic artifact” that continues to ensure predictability.
New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell is asking FEMA for wildfire aid after yet another bridge fire, arguing that “our people may not have forests, but we have bridges, and they burn beautifully.
As flight cancellations swept the nation, Baton Rouge travelers admitted they couldn’t tell whether it was the government shutdown or just another Tuesday at the airport.
Louisiana Treasurer John Fleming has reportedly formed a task force to screen citizens’ Facebook posts before releasing their unclaimed property, assigning each a “Patriot Score” based on online behavior.
Congressman Cleo Fields once again nails the timing, this time betting big on U-Haul right before New Yorkers start planning their exits.
Nancy Pelosi announced she won’t seek reelection, citing exhaustion from years of “accidentally timing every trade.”
LSU President Wade Rousse has announced a radical “Interim Forever” plan placing all athletics staff on 8-hour contracts, ensuring LSU remains “nimble, responsive, and always in a state of mild panic.”
Officials say the escaped Tulane monkey “nearly got away with it” after blending into Biloxi life with a mullet, a faded tattoo, and a Marlboro hanging from his mouth.
